So at starbucks we had a staff meeting yesterday, which was ALLL about VIA.
Our new "instant coffee", but of course I can't say instant because people are all like: EW INSTANT? and I'm like... shiet.
ANYWAY. I was at home the whole entire day and I was sitting around when I got a call from my friend & coworker Francis. I asked him to see if I needed to go in dress code and gave him my number so he could text me or something.
So before he called me around 3PM but I didn't pick up because... the number was unknown. hahah. BUT ANYHOW~ He calls and says that he's heading over there and I should go to so he wouldn't be alone.
I figured, why not? I had nothing to do at home anyway. I drove there, waited like 5 min, saw him and we sat outside for like... a half hour before all my managers and people show up.
SO, DURING the meeting, we were given booklets to
write information on this lovely new AMAZING product and how to sell it.
The first thing he does:
Francis: Oohh a guy.... he needs a penis. *goes to draw*
Me: oh my god....
Francis: Hey yours needs one too!
And then throughout the thing he was randomly drawing and he wrote stuff on his book like:
Q: __ - serving packets have ___ % coffee in them and you can mix it in hot or ___ water.
A: travel size serving packets have 99.9% coffee in them and you can mix it in hot or spicy water.
Q: How will you tell the customer to spread the news of VIA?
A: Tell them to tweet that shit.
Q: Why do you think Starbucks is introducing a new ready to brew (so basically, instant) coffee?
A: Because the instant coffee business is sooo much easier to break into than the pornography business. (I died laughing at this)
Q: How is the taste of VIA different than other instant coffees?
A: Because it takes like Big Macs. And no one dislikes Big Macs.
Q: Who may want to use VIA?
A: Men who don't have a women to make their stuff for them. Women who are making coffee for their men.
Q: What would you say to a customer who says: "I don't drink instant coffee because it is full of chemicals"
A: Everything is full of chemicals.
AND MY FAVOURITE:
Q: How would you describe "microground" to a customer.
A: So fine that you can snort it. And it's cheaper than regular drugs too!
And then at the end my manager was like: "Oh we're going to be collecting and looking at the books to see if you know everything I just said."
me: NOOO!!!! You drew on my book! I can't hand it in!!
Francis: SO WHAT? At least yours doesn't have "snorting" this shit up!!
Me: .... TRUE THAT.
Other worker: So what Francis? Just write someone else's name on it and hand it in.
Francis: I did.... *flips to the front* I wrote Nessa's name.
Me: WHATTT!?!?!? YOU HAND THAT IN YOU DIEEEE!!
Thankfully he took it home.
Sadly I have to rewrite mine.
And also, we also had to do "role playing". OH MY GOD WORST SHIT EVER.
I was writing stuff down to make it 'look' like I was hard at work so my manager wouldn't call me up, and he goes: "NESSA!!! You're up. :)"
worst thing. It was like:
Barry (other worker): Hi.
Barry: Can I get a grande coffee, but put some hot water in it.
Me: Um... ok...
Me: Would you like a sample of VIA? It's our new... ready... well... instant coffee.
Barry: Oh instant coffee?? I don't like instant coffee.
Me: ................... *looks at manager*
Manager: So ask him why he wants hot water in the coffee.
Me: *asks him*
*turns back to manager*
Me: I don't know what to do. :(
I was basically coached through it because I SUCK at this, the situation was a little forced and if I was asked by a customer, I would've been able to do it more casually. But in front of people and with a set up situation I was like: OMG OVERWHELMING *BRAIN SHUTDOWN*
And then I went back and Francis was like: Way to make it awkward.
Well I was TRYING to avoid it. Getting up and talking in front of people make me sooo nervous. ):